Let’s talk about one of the most worn-out, recycled pieces of advice that any well-meaning individual, friend, or self-proclaimed sleep guru will dole out when you’re blessed with a newborn: “Sleep when the baby sleeps.”

Sure, that sounds excellent, right? Why didn’t I think of that? Oh, wait. I did. On day one. And then reality showed up like an uninvited guest and took a seat on my carefully planned schedule. Let me tell you, dear readers, why “sleep when the baby sleeps” is the worst advice since someone suggested to Napoleon that invading Russia in winter sounded like a great idea. 

First, when the baby sleeps, it’s like the universe has granted you a tiny window of freedom. You finally have the opportunity to take a shower, clean the house, eat something other than granola bars or leftover pizza, or, dare I say it, have a minute of peace to stare at the wall and contemplate the meaning of life. 

Second, let’s imagine the scenario where you indeed decide to sleep when the baby sleeps. Sounds fantastic, right? That is until you just doze off, and your little angel decides that they’re done with their 27-minute power nap. Suddenly, the cute cherubic face turns into a wailing alarm clock with no snooze button. Sweet dreams, huh?

Third, babies are erratic. Some days, they sleep like hibernating bears, and other days, they have the stamina of a caffeinated squirrel. Are you supposed to match that unpredictable rhythm? What if your baby only sleeps in 15-minute increments? That’s hardly enough time for a decent REM cycle, let alone a cup of coffee.

Now, before you believe I’m just here to rant about poor parenting advice, rest assured, I come bearing solutions. Here’s the thing, folks: being a parent isn’t about just surviving; it’s about thriving. So here are a few tried and tested, sleep-deprivation approved parenting tips that might just make your life a little bit easier.

Grocery Delivery

This service is a lifesaver. Why venture into the wild jungles of the supermarket when you can shop from the comfort of your couch, balancing a baby on your hip, and a coffee in your hand? Pro tip: buy the subscription service at your local grocery store and save a ton in delivery fees. 

Invest in a Robot Vacuum

This little machine will be your new best friend, tirelessly cleaning up after you, your baby, and your sudden lack of interest in housekeeping. No judgment here, folks. Plus, it’s incredibly entertaining to watch your baby’s wide-eyed fascination as it roams around. Pick up an older model or used one to save more. Maybe someone will even post one for sale on Baby Steps!

Baby Wearing

Not only does this leave your hands free to do all the other million things on your to-do list, but it also soothes your baby. It’s a win-win situation – unless you count the back pain. I’ve tried several, let me know if you want recommendations.

Just Say No, politely

You don’t have to let people visit if you’re not up to it. It’s OK to say no. Yes, even to your in-laws. It’s your baby and you can sit on the couch holding him or her all day if you want.

Establish a Bedtime Ritual

From the first week, start a simple routine of feeding, bathing, and then bed. I’ve found establishing a bath right before bed routine helps my kids fall asleep. Babies are just tiny humans who also appreciate predictability. It may seem futile at first, but trust me, it pays off in the long run.

Stay Ready With a Clean Diaper

This is a game-changer. Don’t make the rookie mistake of thinking just because baby girl already peed, that she’s not about to go again. It protects against unexpected surprises. Surprises you should totally expect. And I promise you, you will be pooed and peed on. And spit up on. Probably daily. Get used to it.

Get Outdoors

We humans are not designed to be cooped up indoors. Of course, you don’t have to climb Mount Everest or run a marathon, but a stroll around the block with your little bundle of joy can do wonders for your mental health, not to mention providing a much-needed change of scenery for both of you. Plus, the calming effect of fresh air on your baby is a bonus. And don’t be afraid of inclement weather. Babies do quite well when bundled up properly.

Invest in a White Noise Machine.

This gadget can be a godsend. Think about it: your baby has spent nine months in a loud, whooshing environment. The outside world is strangely silent for them. White noise can mimic the comforting sounds of the womb and help them sleep better. And when they sleep better, you sleep better. It’s science. Also, I like the sounds myself, and use them even when the baby is out of the room. 

Accept Help

Let’s face it, parents, as much as we’d like to think we’re superheroes, we’re also human, and humans need help sometimes. If someone offers to cook a meal, clean up, or even watch the baby while you shower or nap, swallow that pride and say yes. Trust me, it takes a village, not just to raise a child, but also to maintain your sanity.

Expect the Unexpected

Babies don’t come with a manual. Their habits will change just when you think you’ve got the hang of it. Don’t fight it; ride the wave of change. This isn’t a test of your parenting skills; it’s just the norm. Don’t take it personally. Prepare yourself for a myriad of regressions. Just when you’re settled into a routine that works, your kid is going to decide they no longer like sleeping at night. 

Remember, folks, parenting is an endurance sport, and you’re in it for the long haul. It’s okay to stumble, to feel overwhelmed, and it’s perfectly fine to ignore all the advice, including mine, and just do what works best for you and your baby. After all, every baby is unique, just like every parent, and that’s what makes this journey so special. And tiresome. But mostly special. And tiresome.

The moral of this story? “Sleep when the baby sleeps” is as realistic as expecting mom to fit back into pre-pregnancy jeans a week after delivery. We’re parents, not miracle workers. And we’re not celebrities with an army of helpful workers. We’re single parents handling it all ourselves. We’re dual income households juggling kids and jobs. We’re stay at home parents dedicating nearly every waking minute to our children. The next time someone gives you that advice, nod, smile, and go ahead and do whatever the heck you want when your baby sleeps. Because, dear reader, this is your circus and those are your monkeys. And guess what? You’re doing just fine.