Now, let’s get one thing straight: nobody – and I mean nobody – actually loves parades. No, not even your friend posting perfect Instagram snapshots with a radiant smile. They’re faking it. They’re lying to the world, and themselves, all for the sake of creating those ‘unforgettable memories.’ But let’s dive into the nitty-gritty of these so-called ‘joyous’ community celebrations.

Parades Are The Worst

The sun beating down mercilessly as you stake your claim on the sidewalk. The deafening noises of the fire trucks that leave your ears ringing for days. The jovial clowns who are really just creepy when you think about it. And let’s not forget the absolute absence of public restrooms, leaving you to pray that little Johnny’s bladder can hold out just a little bit longer.

“Parades are a family tradition,” they say. “It’s a fun day out!” they exclaim. Who are these deluded optimists, and what utopian parades are they attending?

Here’s the truth, fellow parents. We tolerate parades. We pack our snacks, our sunscreen, and our inexplicably endless optimism into a bag and we brace ourselves for a day of orchestrated chaos. Oh, you know the drill. It starts early. You’re up with the sun, cramming your camping chairs, sun hats, and a cooler into your car, to reach the parade route at an ungodly hour. All to claim a tiny patch of land along the curb. But hey, at least you’re not alone. You’re in the company of countless other sleep-deprived parents. Together, you form a solidarity line along the street, armed with determination and travel mugs full of coffee.

Then comes the heat, because apparently, parades have a strict ‘blistering sun’ requirement. There you are, sweating like you’re auditioning for a deodorant commercial (Dr. Squatch, sponsor me?), while constantly applying sunscreen to wriggling children. Did you know sunscreen application was an Olympic sport? Spoiler alert: It is.

Bring The Noise

Now, if the sweltering sun wasn’t enough, there are the fire trucks. What is it about parades that makes firefighters forget children have delicate eardrums? There you are, attempting to explain the concept of a parade to your four-year-old for the fifth time, when BOOM! The fire truck blares its horn, reducing your child to a wailing bundle of fear. Nothing says “family fun day” like the sudden adrenaline spike of a scared toddler. Parents of sensory sensitive children know this pain especially well.

And the bathrooms, or lack thereof. It’s like the parade organizers have never heard of bladders. Suddenly, you’re playing ‘spot the secluded bush’ or considering whether a diaper could possibly accommodate your seven-year-old. So, if parades are such sun-baked, noisy, bladder-challenging circuses, why on earth do we pretend to love them?

We’re all suckers when it comes to our kids.

The answer is simple. It’s all for those little moments of magic. The wide-eyed wonder on your child’s face when they see a marching band for the first time. The sheer delight when a parade mascot stops to give them a high five. The priceless giggle as they run to pick up thrown candy. It’s seeing your child’s face light up like the Fourth of July. We brave the relentless sun, endure the deafening fire trucks, and even deal with an absence of bathrooms, all to watch our child’s joy in experiencing a parade. For all the discomfort and inconvenience, there’s an indescribable warmth in your heart when you see the awe and excitement on your child’s face.

So yes, we will continue to pretend to love parades. We will pack our coolers, slather on sunscreen like it’s our job, and coax our kids to ‘just hold it a little bit longer.’ Because in the grand scheme of things, the memory of our children’s laughter is worth every drop of sweat, every deafening fire truck siren, and every uncomfortable potty dance.

It’s For The Smiles. For The Laughter. For The Awe.

At the end of the day, when your sunburnt, tired family piles back into the car, your kids bubbling over with excitement from the day’s spectacle, you’ll look back at the seemingly chaotic, noisy, hot day and smile. The hardships will start to blur, and the gleaming eyes and joyful laughter of your children will take center stage.

And as your children start to doze off in the back seat, clutching tightly onto a piece of candy or a trinket they caught, you’ll realize why you pretended to love the parade. Because for those few hours, your kids believed in magic, they reveled in joy, they lived a unique adventure, and you got to be there, holding their hand through it all. 

My friends, here’s to pretending to love parades, to the sunburns and loud noises, and yes, even to the mysteriously absent bathrooms. Because in this pretend love, we find real moments of happiness, shared wonder, and create unforgettable memories.

So stay strong, my fellow pretend parade lovers. Your secret’s safe with me. Now, go ahead and mark your calendars for the next sun-baked, noise-filled, bladder-testing parade extravaganza. We’ll be there, pretending to love every moment of it, because our kids genuinely do.

Here are some tips to make parades bearable!

Before You Go

• Know the parade route, where the sun will be (don’t forget the sunscreen), and the closest bathrooms or porta-potties. Preparation is your friend. Seek shade.
• Pack Smart: Snacks, water, sunscreen, hats, mini first aid kit, spare clothes. Oh, and baby wipes. Always bring baby wipes, they’re the Swiss Army Knife of parenting.
• Sensory Management: Bring earmuffs or earplugs. Bring a chair or stroller wagon for the kids to sit down. Overstimulated kids meltdown.
• Bring Entertainment: Pack small, lightweight toys, coloring books, or card games to keep your kids entertained during the long wait times.
• Call in Reinforcements: Grandparents, a fUncle or fAunt, and friends with children can all take some of the burden off of you.

The Day Of

• Timing is Key: Arrive early for a good spot but remember that means a longer day. Consider if that’s right for your family. Maybe arriving later and having a less-than-perfect view would be less stressful.
• Take Breaks: Plan to take walking breaks, especially if you have toddlers. A little movement can prevent a lot of tantrums.
• Discuss Parade Etiquette: Talk to your kids beforehand about the importance of not running into the parade path, and respecting the people around them. Parades are more enjoyable when everyone’s safe and courteous.Identify
• Landmarks: Pick out a few landmarks when you arrive to help your children orient themselves. If they get lost or separated, they can look for these markers.
• Safety First: Write your phone number on your child’s arm or a bracelet in case they get lost. Also, agree on a meeting spot should anyone wander off.
• Stay Hydrated: Between the sun, the crowd, and the excitement, it’s easy for kids to get overheated. Keep water bottles on hand, and remind your kids to take regular sips.
• Manage Expectations: Finally, remember that things won’t go perfectly. Someone will spill their drink, the noise will be too loud, or a favorite hat will get lost. That’s OK. You’re there to create memories, not perfection. Armed with these tips and a suspension of snack and candy limits, my dear fellow parents, I wish you all the joy, fun, and manageable chaos a parade can offer! And remember, at the end of the day, it’s all about enjoying the spectacle together as a family.